An Apology

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StarOfSouls

Wired
★ Donor ★
Aug 5, 2018
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(This is mostly directed to previous/current staff I have disrespected and let see me the way I was. Thanks for reading this btw.)

Hello. I've been gone from the community for quite some time and decided to think about what I did. Since I had the habit of rushing things too quickly, like my applications, I wanted to wait a bit before posting this. I just want to apologize and I hope this at least gets read.

I started out with disrespect. In servers, I would call people horrible names and get overly frustrated at people in general over the things they did that I thought were stupid. I showed off this ignorance even more by applying in the middle of this anger. I kept applying, and applying. I would even go as far to write them out in advance and post them only a couple hours after the soonest possible time I could post them. I got involved with things I shouldn't have, and decided to ask for staff chat leaks. My behavior did not get any better. I don't remember every specific thing, but I was not doing very well. After some more arguing and disrespecting of staff, and having my last application denied, I was so upset. I went off spamming posts in every possible place I knew I shouldn't and did this until I got banned, and even made an alt to do it again. I tried to cut ties with anyone or anything that reminded me of Wonderland. I hated that name for sometime, but realized that the hate is directed towards myself. Overall, everything I did and the way I acted was horrible, and I made promises I knew I couldn't keep all because I wanted a second chance. But I wasted those chances. For the months I was gone, I would every so often just think of Wonderland. The community that I had despised so much at some point still drifted around in my mind. The weight I put on myself was my fault, and I completely deserved it. However, I cannot just go on with it anymore. I really need to let everyone know how I feel.

You may be confused as to why I'm telling you every wrongdoing I have committed. To be frank, I just want to remind you of everything I have done wrong so that you know why and what I am apologizing for. I apologize. I could say it a million different times, but I know that it'll all sound the same like before. Those of you that remember, you know what would happen after my apologies. I would come up with something quick, and then just fall back into this cycle of disrespect, anger, and uncontrollableness. I am sorry. I really do apologize, and I know this will be the last time I do something like this. I have wronged so many people, and it still haunts me to think that some current/previous staff think of me negatively. It makes me feel so bad, I really just can't say sorry enough. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. To the staff I disrespected, I apologize. And to everyone else, disrespected or not, I apologize to even let you see something as horrific as this behavior show from me.

I don't expect you to just read this and accept my apology in a second. I hope that you give yourself time to think about my actions. Decide if I really am worthy of your forgiveness. Forgiven or not, I just want everyone to know that I'm not going to do what I did again. I would take risks if I knew that what I was doing was even slightly safe, something I always just had a bad feeling about. This, like everything else I've done, is completely unacceptable. I'm not making any excuses, I just want you to know what I've done, how bad I feel about it, and that I'm not going to let anything close to being this bad happen again. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Also, sorry for the bad formatting as I am doing this on my phone.

Sincerely,

Socks
 
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