HOW TO EXIST

May 28, 2019
10
9
3
Welcome to the beginners guide to existing in the wonderful world EARTH.
At least, that's what they-- the humans, I mean-- designated the name to be.
So, this article/guide will teach you how to perform a few tasks that will help you blend in with your fellow man.
  1. Understanding the basics of verbal and physical communication.
  2. Have a grasp and decent idea of how conversations should be structured and directed.
  3. Know how to consume substances that are manufactured by humans.
  4. Know when to deal with threats of violence.
  5. Expressing emotions. [Yes, that's a separate segment from part 1, but bear with me]
So, let's get right on it.

PART ONE: COMMUNICATION
Every human-- whether it's a small child or a gay rapper-- they all have some form of communication to understand, comprehend, and sympathize with their fellow man. Typically, they express it through their mouth hole and their face; in terms of the mouth, you need to make words. What are words? Simple: It's what you're reading right now. How do you speak it? You contract and expand your air-sacks in various degrees of intensity and concentration in order to produce specific sounds and phrases that are used to express your thoughts and feelings to your fellow man. For the face, they use that to help further communicate how they're feeling. If your face doesn't work, then you should speak in a more "deadpan" tone-- whatever that means. If your face DOES work, then don't forget to be expressive! They all enjoy a good expressive human.

There are other ways to communicate with other humans, which can be done through the hands, the asshole, or through violence-- more on that later. But, the face is and mouth hole is as much as you need to know for this particular topic.

PART TWO: CONVERSATION STRUCTURE
This is rather important. Humans-- not all of them, some of them posses a below average literacy intelligence pass for adequate communication. So most humans posses the ability to construct their sentences in varying ways to convey meaning and understanding of a subject, situation, idea, or issue they're dealing with. While this is important, it's also rather easy; structuring a sentence can go two ways: [1] you copy the way someone speaks, then follow that format for proper communication, or [2] you could watch the pictures on the devices the humans made for viewing, and imitate the forms of verbal structuring formed by the humans in the viewing boxes.

Unfortunately, this article only hints of English sentence structuring, so if you're in any other part of Earth, then you'll have to follow other guides on that.

PART THREE: "FOOD"
Yes, you heard me: Food. That's what the humans call their edible substance for energy. Anyways, food allows for you to-- what I just basically said-- gain energy from varying substances of edibility and availability. Food can come in all sorts of sizes, shapes, quantities, qualities, states, flavors, etc.. For whatever food you might be able to eat, please check your manual on using your body more effectively for what the body is attuned to, and what it can support at maximum capacity. Now remember: While you may be capable of consuming more harmful substances that the average human cannot, you need to keep in mind that your body suits cannot support those materials; human bodies are fragile little things, and we can only beef them up so much before it gets "uncanny".

To consume food, you need to [1] position the food by using your able-ready hand-- whether it be your right or left hand. [2], you push the food into the mouth, [3] chew the food down using your teeth muscles, [4] swallow, and continue to chew on excess substance that was not fully ready to be consumed yet, and [5]-- which is automatic-- digest the food, and allow it to await for more food to break down into glorious energy.

For a more comprehensive guide on food consumption, please call this number: 12078-2198159-7439921-12985633-3319999125.

PART FOUR: VIOLENCE AND DEFENSE
Humans are violent-- which I find pretty nice, to be honest. Unfortunately, they might attack for various reasons that may not actually pertain to you-- whether it relates to verbal insults, assault, or violent sexual activity, you need to be on guard to retaliate and defend yourself. Now, typically, humans use their fists-- which is the state of their hands being balled up, consisting of their fingers rolling into themselves and clamping against the hand-- to assault and attack others. Other humans use tools, like weapons, or nukes. Those ones are typically harder to deal with, so exercise caution when dealing with them.

An added disadvantage for us is that we cannot really use our mandibles against them; I'd love to use them, and I'm sure you would also want to use them, but we cannot do that, and we'll have to use our fists too to strike our opponents down and consume their b--

Wait, never mind, that's not allowed either. The humans call that "cannibalism".

PART FIVE: EMOTIONS
Yes, emotions. Humans use these to further convey and allude to various subject matters, win arguments, sway people into their side, arouse partners, or to express violent hatred towards another human, like The Flash. Please remember that your emotions should not be used against other humans-- most of them find it tacky or immature to do so. In other cases, let your emotions run wild! If you keep them bottled up, it might cause some conflicting emotions in other human beings around you.

In order to actually express emotion, you need to ensure that the muscles within the human face are properly connected with your face. If not, you might get some incorrect expressions, or none at all. Once then, you can express to your hearts content! Go wild!

Thanks for purchasing the guide "HOW TO EXIST". If you have any questions, comments, or concerns about the contents of the guide in question, please call the number 12078-2198159-7439921-12985633-3319239115 for what you need clarified, or if you want to talk to us about what could be improved or changed.

COPYRIGHT Inter-galactic Space Travels LLC.
 

Prxme

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Jan 4, 2018
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The United Kingdom
Welcome to the beginners guide to existing in the wonderful world EARTH.
At least, that's what they-- the humans, I mean-- designated the name to be.
So, this article/guide will teach you how to perform a few tasks that will help you blend in with your fellow man.
  1. Understanding the basics of verbal and physical communication.
  2. Have a grasp and decent idea of how conversations should be structured and directed.
  3. Know how to consume substances that are manufactured by humans.
  4. Know when to deal with threats of violence.
  5. Expressing emotions. [Yes, that's a separate segment from part 1, but bear with me]
So, let's get right on it.

PART ONE: COMMUNICATION
Every human-- whether it's a small child or a gay rapper-- they all have some form of communication to understand, comprehend, and sympathize with their fellow man. Typically, they express it through their mouth hole and their face; in terms of the mouth, you need to make words. What are words? Simple: It's what you're reading right now. How do you speak it? You contract and expand your air-sacks in various degrees of intensity and concentration in order to produce specific sounds and phrases that are used to express your thoughts and feelings to your fellow man. For the face, they use that to help further communicate how they're feeling. If your face doesn't work, then you should speak in a more "deadpan" tone-- whatever that means. If your face DOES work, then don't forget to be expressive! They all enjoy a good expressive human.

There are other ways to communicate with other humans, which can be done through the hands, the asshole, or through violence-- more on that later. But, the face is and mouth hole is as much as you need to know for this particular topic.

PART TWO: CONVERSATION STRUCTURE
This is rather important. Humans-- not all of them, some of them posses a below average literacy intelligence pass for adequate communication. So most humans posses the ability to construct their sentences in varying ways to convey meaning and understanding of a subject, situation, idea, or issue they're dealing with. While this is important, it's also rather easy; structuring a sentence can go two ways: [1] you copy the way someone speaks, then follow that format for proper communication, or [2] you could watch the pictures on the devices the humans made for viewing, and imitate the forms of verbal structuring formed by the humans in the viewing boxes.

Unfortunately, this article only hints of English sentence structuring, so if you're in any other part of Earth, then you'll have to follow other guides on that.

PART THREE: "FOOD"
Yes, you heard me: Food. That's what the humans call their edible substance for energy. Anyways, food allows for you to-- what I just basically said-- gain energy from varying substances of edibility and availability. Food can come in all sorts of sizes, shapes, quantities, qualities, states, flavors, etc.. For whatever food you might be able to eat, please check your manual on using your body more effectively for what the body is attuned to, and what it can support at maximum capacity. Now remember: While you may be capable of consuming more harmful substances that the average human cannot, you need to keep in mind that your body suits cannot support those materials; human bodies are fragile little things, and we can only beef them up so much before it gets "uncanny".

To consume food, you need to [1] position the food by using your able-ready hand-- whether it be your right or left hand. [2], you push the food into the mouth, [3] chew the food down using your teeth muscles, [4] swallow, and continue to chew on excess substance that was not fully ready to be consumed yet, and [5]-- which is automatic-- digest the food, and allow it to await for more food to break down into glorious energy.

For a more comprehensive guide on food consumption, please call this number: 12078-2198159-7439921-12985633-3319999125.

PART FOUR: VIOLENCE AND DEFENSE
Humans are violent-- which I find pretty nice, to be honest. Unfortunately, they might attack for various reasons that may not actually pertain to you-- whether it relates to verbal insults, assault, or violent sexual activity, you need to be on guard to retaliate and defend yourself. Now, typically, humans use their fists-- which is the state of their hands being balled up, consisting of their fingers rolling into themselves and clamping against the hand-- to assault and attack others. Other humans use tools, like weapons, or nukes. Those ones are typically harder to deal with, so exercise caution when dealing with them.

An added disadvantage for us is that we cannot really use our mandibles against them; I'd love to use them, and I'm sure you would also want to use them, but we cannot do that, and we'll have to use our fists too to strike our opponents down and consume their b--

Wait, never mind, that's not allowed either. The humans call that "cannibalism".

PART FIVE: EMOTIONS
Yes, emotions. Humans use these to further convey and allude to various subject matters, win arguments, sway people into their side, arouse partners, or to express violent hatred towards another human, like The Flash. Please remember that your emotions should not be used against other humans-- most of them find it tacky or immature to do so. In other cases, let your emotions run wild! If you keep them bottled up, it might cause some conflicting emotions in other human beings around you.

In order to actually express emotion, you need to ensure that the muscles within the human face are properly connected with your face. If not, you might get some incorrect expressions, or none at all. Once then, you can express to your hearts content! Go wild!

Thanks for purchasing the guide "HOW TO EXIST". If you have any questions, comments, or concerns about the contents of the guide in question, please call the number 12078-2198159-7439921-12985633-3319239115 for what you need clarified, or if you want to talk to us about what could be improved or changed.

COPYRIGHT Inter-galactic Space Travels LLC.
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