Something I made in class

Remiss

Mr Society
★ Donor ★
Honorary Member ★
Jul 15, 2017
753
269
158
U.S
So I made a poem in one of my classes, and we got constructive criticism for it (since it was a rough draft.)

It's supposed to be epitaph and free-verse, so it's basically someone who's dead talking about how they died and something like that.

I kinda wanted to share it here, (for people to enjoy) and really if anyone cares to give constructive criticism then I wouldn't mind taking it into consideration for my final draft.
I already have comments about punctuation and repetition, which I will probably be fixing.



Robert E. Wellstatter (the dead guy's name)

This is the first I have spoken
Each footstep marked as failure, yet I played on
This (next) piece, was soft and smooth, almost
As if it were asking for the deep forgiveness inside
Yet those sharp cords were pointed at me, and yet,
Those harsh undulling cords were pointed at me yet again,
It searched for more out of me but yet I still wrote with serene, piano song
The hatred, as loud as a forte, drowning out my piano
My piano, a rhythm of tune that could mean so much to the peace,
Yet hatred’s forte pushed hard and onward, unforgiving
Each pressing key on the forte wasn’t seen, blind just like the spite integrated within
My piano turned bitter and weak,
As each sound went forward with each footstep taken
Piano turning remorse,
Failing my mission, and by fate,
The sharp cord struck my heart