(I know I'm not really apart of this community anymore, but something happened this morning that really made me want to write down what I was feeling.)
To give some context, one of my brothers are in the military, and hasn't spoken to any of my family members (besides me, on snapchat) for the past year ever since he went into boot camp. I couldn't care less if he didn't speak to me, as I know he's doing what he's wanted to do ever since high school. But since I'm the only method of communication between us and him, (he doesn't want my family to know I'm talking to him, but I've let them know for their sake) my mother has been looking over my shoulder to see if he responded to any of the snaps she told me to send him (questions about his taxes, when will he talk to us, etc.). I have to be super careful on how I word my sentences, as I can't give away the fact that they know I'm talking to him, so I've essentially been lying to him, which really bores a hole in my heart because he stopped talking to us because of, in his words, "a lack of trust." But I lie because my mother has been coming to be almost everyday in a crying heap talking about how she misses him, feels disrespected, feels fucked over, etc etc. And that leads us to this morning.
This morning I was doing the usual things "cool" teenagers do, and my mother comes into my room crying. And I mean torrential downpour levels of crying. She comes to me because my father isn't that much of a mental helper, but still a good man nonetheless. Every time she comes to me I feel a large disconnect between us, she is super sad that my brother is essentially dead to us, and I couldn't give less of a shit. But I still talk to him for her sake.
I feel like my mother isn't who she used to be, everyday she breaks down, and I hate to see her like that, and I think I'm doing my best to attempt to reconnect the two, but I don't know.
see you in the shitposting tab,
beecher
To give some context, one of my brothers are in the military, and hasn't spoken to any of my family members (besides me, on snapchat) for the past year ever since he went into boot camp. I couldn't care less if he didn't speak to me, as I know he's doing what he's wanted to do ever since high school. But since I'm the only method of communication between us and him, (he doesn't want my family to know I'm talking to him, but I've let them know for their sake) my mother has been looking over my shoulder to see if he responded to any of the snaps she told me to send him (questions about his taxes, when will he talk to us, etc.). I have to be super careful on how I word my sentences, as I can't give away the fact that they know I'm talking to him, so I've essentially been lying to him, which really bores a hole in my heart because he stopped talking to us because of, in his words, "a lack of trust." But I lie because my mother has been coming to be almost everyday in a crying heap talking about how she misses him, feels disrespected, feels fucked over, etc etc. And that leads us to this morning.
This morning I was doing the usual things "cool" teenagers do, and my mother comes into my room crying. And I mean torrential downpour levels of crying. She comes to me because my father isn't that much of a mental helper, but still a good man nonetheless. Every time she comes to me I feel a large disconnect between us, she is super sad that my brother is essentially dead to us, and I couldn't give less of a shit. But I still talk to him for her sake.
I feel like my mother isn't who she used to be, everyday she breaks down, and I hate to see her like that, and I think I'm doing my best to attempt to reconnect the two, but I don't know.
see you in the shitposting tab,
beecher